6 posts tagged “things on tuesday”

You, I don't care for so much:

1. Doing the right, mature, responsible thing

2. A to-do list as long as my leg

3. That this four-day work week is feeling like a six-day work week.

You, I like:

1. Good news

2. Being the first to use the shower after it's just been scrubbed clean

3. A three-day weekend coming up, including a much-anticipated ghetto bar night

4. The weather: come Fourth of July, we will have seen only two 90-degree days this year so far.

5. Planning out a quick three-day blast to Chicago

6. Sneezing

7. The new seatpost for my bike

You, I don't like so much:

1. Tonight's after-work dinner plans with people from Mrs. Chicken's job, along with a bunch of retirement fund jackoffs who are going to blow sunshine up our asses, and the pricey menu at this shi-shi seafood place I wouldn't step foot in normally. If I didn't think it would render my wife mortified, I would start the conversation with "Look fellas, until the market stops taking a dump, your product is essentially worthless to us. MY retirement accounts are essentially worthless. I'm hemorrhaging money by the week. We are actually better off right now, NOT paying into that account and putting that money in the bank. But let me guess, you have the investment opportunity that anomalizes all of that, right?"

2. Days and days of rain. Ugh.

3. That it is only Tuesday, and not 4:08 p.m. on a Friday.

4. Every elected official in Detroit. You make me want to move from this region.

You, I like:

1. Dirty laundry pile getting smaller and smaller.

2. Plans for this weekend are looking really good.

3. Running into my boy Pete while walking the dog last night. He was walking his AND sneaking a smoke.

4. Mrs. Chicken's adventures in the kitchen the last couple of weeks have yielded some mighty fine fare (homemade chicken soup one week; tofu fiesta and homemade tomato soup the next).

You, I could do without:

1. Dog developing some sort of virus, shitting inside of his cage while we are work (which he never does) and barking to go out (and being let out) every hour on the hour throughout the night; the pending vet bill to get him right.

2. A shitty night's sleep, back-to-back.

3. Being very bored and very, very sober on a Friday night.

4. Scraping frost off the windshield as early as Nov. 11.

5. Watching our retirement accounts dry up. What was the point in putting that money away in the first fucking place?

6. TLC for the ride: new set of four, replace the shift solonoid in the trans, replace the creeky brake pedal arm, replace the front left headlight (it works, just coming out of its housing), and clean the bitch corner to corner on the inside.

7. Overdraft fees.

8. The fact that this list goes 8 deep and I could just keep ticking shit off one-by-one for the next five minutes.

You, I like:

1. In this order: liquid Vicodin, a hearty pull off the pipe, a rock glass of whisky. You'll forget about everything in roughly 14 seconds.

2. Empty laundry baskets.

3. Whole wheat pancakes with straight-from-the-tree maple syrup.

4. The Allen Iverson trade.

5. Sugar-free popsicles.

6. Lowriders.

You, not so much:

1. The fact that even thinking about my commute bums me out.

2. Trip to the vet to clear up some bacterial rash thing the dog somehow contracted.

3. The late start times for the World Series games. This is complete bullshit. I work. I'm in bed by 10 p.m. I get to about the fourth inning of the Fall Classic. The fourth inning?

4. What it must feel like to be Jim Brandstatter. This poor sumbitch has to call the U-M football games on Saturdays and the Lions on Sundays. I'd blow my balls off with buckshot if that was my workoad.

5. Fall-into-winter means more layers of clothes for the ladies.

6. Daylight Savings this weekend. Dark when I leave the house; dark when I drive home.

7. My fantasy football lineup that just fucking tanked this weekend. Thanks for a great big batch of nothing JT O'Sullivan, Julius Jones, Chris Cooley, Hines Ward and Marques Colston (are you ever, EVER going to be a productive wideout this season? You were a top-5 receiver. What in the fuck happened to you? Did someone steal your testicles? Someone stole your testicles, didn't they?).

8. That I only got to see my old friend Jeff for about three minutes this weekend before he went back to the Pacific Northwest. It may be years before I get to see him again. This. Sucks. Dick.

You, I like:

1. That it feels like fall is taking its sweet time around here.

2. The fact that Lamont learned how to catch popcorn in his mouth from a distance last night.

3. Mrs. Chicken started her new job yesterday.

4. That we are only three months away from our trip to Mexico.

5.  Listening to the dog "dream."

6. The idea that there might be a cold-weather camping weekend before November is over.

7. Convention week next week at work. 70 percent of the building is gone. I can crap in peace.

8. That, thanks to Dirty Jase, I still have several yet-to-be-worn pairs of Spitfire socks. Thanks, Holmes.

You, I don't like:

• The players on my fantasy league team that just can't seem to get it done. This includes Packers RB Ryan Grant (has lost a step from last year), Saints WR Marques Colston (injured in Week 1; still not playing; I used my 3rd-round pick on him), Seahawks QB Matt Pussybeck (if his season performance could be summed up in a Chinese takeout order, he would be "Let's see, I'll have a Sissypants No. 17, dreadfully mild, with NO balls, and a side combo of I'm injury prone-None of my receivers are healthy/can catch), and the Cowboys entire defense. Collectively, all of you are killing me.
• This indian summer bullshit. Calendar says Oct. 14; thermometer reads 78 degrees. Not cool.
• My daily failure of getting my ass out of bed at 5 a.m. Instead, I just keep hitting snooze until 6:30. Undisciplined sack o' shit = me.
• The lawnmower that won't start. Next mower will NOT be a Yard Machine. There is nothing yard machine about that fucking thing. I'm buying the top of the line Toro next summer. Fuck it.
• The fact that I said I would build a shed this year and did not. I don't know what I'm afraid of. It's a structure rather simple in its design. Any simpler and it would require a set of Lincoln Logs.

You, I like:

• The surprise guys on my team who have stepped up and hit it, out of nowhere. This includes Texans RB Steve Slaton. Seahawks RB Julius Jones, Giants WR Plaxico Burress (although this is no surprise; he's supposed to be good) and my kicker, Arizona's Neil Rackers, who is averaging about 8 or 9 points/game for me).
• Weekend whisky.
• The smell of fall in Michigan. Nothing will return me to my childhood faster than that smell.
• Cherry, sugar-free popsicles.
• Waking up Monday morning to a wife who says to me "All of your work shirts and pants are clean and hanging in your closet," before she rolls over and falls back asleep. That's just one small part of the good life, boys.
• The two, HUGE plasma TVs the bar at the end of our street installed last month.
• My employer's generous holiday schedule, which includes a five-day weekend the week of Christmas and a four-day weekend the week of New Year's. Oh, and we have the Friday after Thanksgiving off.

Not even cool:

1. Interviewing prospective job candidates.

2. Dwelling on the messy, messy backyard.

3. Scuffs on my shoes, but I'm too lazy to shine.

4. Commuting on I-696.

5. Wanting to spend a week in San Francisco, but knowing that now is just not the time.

Totally digging:

1. Knowing that the 'fridge is stocked.

2. Knowing that there is a big, fuzzy Labradoodle waiting for me at home.

3. My fantasy football team, clawing to 2-3 after and 0-3 start.

4. Mrs. Chicken's new job offer and the fact that she's getting retro unemployment pay.

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